eHarmony is very different, both in the sign-up and matching process.

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To join eHarmony is quite a challenge. There is a questionnaire to start with, and you do not know how much the subscription is until you have completed the questionnaire (though there are researchers who have set up trial memberships to find out, and published their findings on the web).

What may be a concern though is that with eHarmony’s questionnaires concerning lifestyle and income level before you know the subscription level, they may well set a particular individual’s subscription level based on the answers given. Without transparency, how can anyone tell? Other sites, such as MyMatchMature or DatingDirect are quite upfront about subscription levels.

Questionnaire
Well, what about the joining process? With most sites this is relatively straightforward and speedy – MyMatchMature has two steps and you can enter as much detail as you want. No doubt eHarmony would say that several hundred mandatory questions about likes/dislikes/ personality type and so on will improve the match and their success rates, with a benefit to their subscribers, and that is fair enough.

I ploughed through the process (somewhat tongue-in-cheek) and was then told that there were no suitable matches. Of course, the several hundred personality type test questions may well have identified me as a poor prospect (and the techniques are such that false answers can be identified) or a lurker. If the matching is so specific, then serendipity is removed, and I think that there has to be some serendipity in the online dating process.

Then, there is eHarmony’s killer question at the end – ‘Have you used an online dating agency before’? Generously, I would say that this is purely for market research, though a cynic might say that eHarmony’s approach is so radically different that potential customers who have used other sites may have issues with the customer experience (which I cannot comment on as eHarmony was ‘unable to provide you with a service’).

Matching Approach
eHarmony’s matching approach is based on extensive psychological research, the profiling techniques used are based on those which are in widespread use in the professional and commercial world, and the founder of the business has great expertise in that area. But, it is quite a different approach to the matching process used by other agencies. eHarmony offer you matches based on your personality profile and interests. Their approach is based on extensive data analysis of married couples using regression analysis (a technique to measure linkage of features to results). This is a proven and widely accepted analytical method.

Personal Data
Finally, having failed to be accepted as a subscriber, I am very glad that I did not complete the personality inventory questions with complete truthfulness, otherwise my personality profile would be onfile in eHarmony’s database. At the end of the process eHarmony does offer a printout of the personality findings, but the actual button to obtain it was not offered on my screen.

Features
The features offered by eHarmony (as far as external research has been able to determine) do not appear to be any different (and perhaps even less in scope) than other sites such as MyMatchMature offers. Some features, for example, Starsign compatibility, are important to some people (that is, they can use this to search for members). This does not appear to be a feature of eHarmony’s site, and obviously it is their right to define their service offering.

Limitations
So, they claim that they are able to predict with great accuracy the best matches for people. Of course, this data relates to heterosexual couples, and so eHarmony does not offer its services to people looking for partners of the same sex. This has been subject to successful legal challenge in the US.

Local Version
eHarmony has been heavily promoted in the UK, and intriguingly claims on its site that it has been “Scientifically adapted for the UK in collaboration with the Oxford Internet Institute at the University of Oxford”. I do not know if that means that the analytical method has been changed. The Oxford Internet Institute is ‘devoted to the impact of the Internet on society’.

In Conclusion
So, all in all, if you are looking for a heterosexual partner, have the stamina to wade through the questionnaire and are prepared to put your full personality inventory into their database, without knowing the cost in advance, then give it a try. They are undoubtedly successful and ranked number 3 on one listing I saw. I do know, with direct experience, that the more normal agencies do work well also.

© 2010 Phil Marks

These essential tips are all about getting the key aspects of your profile right. The benefit of this is that you are clear about who you are and the type of guy you are looking for, which means that you immediately eliminate all the people who would be of no interest to you. This saves time and money on email, phone calls and pointless dates, not to mention the emotional toll it can take. It is an investment in your future, and well worth the time and effort.

So, you have bitten the bullet and joined an online dating agency, maybe two and entered maybe a basic profile. Hopefully you have chosen a clever user id. ‘Sal1234’ is hardly memorable, but something like ‘MustangSally1’ or ‘FranTheArtLover’ certainly is. If you haven’t then it is easy to get another free membership offer.

Here are some top dating tips for writing your profile – these will make the whole process much more enjoyable (and less costly) for you. Concentrate on getting the ‘narrative’ or ‘About Me’ section right. This is the free format area where you write your personal essay. Effort here will pay dividends, cutting out the guys you will not want to meet and attracting the guys who will are looking for someone just like you.

Tips 1-4 will help you write this. But don’t write it and then publish it straight away. Write a draft or two and allow 24 hours between each version. The final version will be much, much better, guaranteed! Do check spelling and punctuation – most word processing software will do this for you; then cut and paste the final version into the box on the profile.

Top Dating Tip #1 – Make sure you have a ‘catchy’ tagline (the profile header which shows in search results). For example ‘Smart lady seeking fun and travel with a steady guy’. This says something about what you and what you are looking for, but also sets out the type of person you want to meet, right at the outset, encouraging guys to click and read your profile. You might not like the idea, but you are advertising yourself, and you do want to attract the right people for you.

Top Dating Tip #2 – Think hard about the type of person you are looking for and find eight or ten key words or phrases (positive and negative) which describe that person, eg steady, loyal, loving, money not important though it helps, must have his own hair, like dancing and pets, no gamblers or heavy drinkers. Use past relationships as a guide – what was good and what was bad.

If you have been in a difficult relationship in the past, remember that there is a tendency for women to be attracted to features they recognise, so be aware of this and make sure you eliminate such people at this early stage.

Top Dating Tip #3 – What’s important to you. List the things that are important about yourself and that you want him to appreciate. If you are athletic, then you probably need someone with an interest in sport (playing, not sitting in a bar with a beer). Are you an art lover? If you are, then a guy who thinks Dali is a country in Africa is probably a bad bet. Get beyond the superficial to find guys with similar values to your own.

Top Dating Tip # 4 – What’s vital in your life.

What about children – do you want them, maybe you already are a parent? Whilst there are boxes in the profile for this, you may want to say more. He will have to enjoy taking a parental role (and you may have his children for sleepovers). For example “my children are central to my life and a guy who is closely involved with children of his own and understands and enjoys the challenges of parenthood would be ideal’.

Maybe you are involved in local politics or an action group – these tend to be driven from deep within – then it will be important that you highlight that aspect of yourself.

Top Dating Tip #5 – Use a good photograph, preferably one in which you smile – a dour picture will just scare people off – “she doesn’t look very happy”! Invest in your online profile by using a professional photographer for your first online picture. This is so important. The picture is the first thing men see and men are very visually driven. The difference in response level will be as much as 20 times.

So, if you concentrate on these online dating tips and get your profile right, then you can look forward to meeting the right guys.

(c) 2010 Phil Marks