These essential tips are all about getting the key aspects of your profile right. The benefit of this is that you are clear about who you are and the type of guy you are looking for, which means that you immediately eliminate all the people who would be of no interest to you. This saves time and money on email, phone calls and pointless dates, not to mention the emotional toll it can take. It is an investment in your future, and well worth the time and effort.

So, you have bitten the bullet and joined an online dating agency, maybe two and entered maybe a basic profile. Hopefully you have chosen a clever user id. ‘Sal1234’ is hardly memorable, but something like ‘MustangSally1’ or ‘FranTheArtLover’ certainly is. If you haven’t then it is easy to get another free membership offer.

Here are some top dating tips for writing your profile – these will make the whole process much more enjoyable (and less costly) for you. Concentrate on getting the ‘narrative’ or ‘About Me’ section right. This is the free format area where you write your personal essay. Effort here will pay dividends, cutting out the guys you will not want to meet and attracting the guys who will are looking for someone just like you.

Tips 1-4 will help you write this. But don’t write it and then publish it straight away. Write a draft or two and allow 24 hours between each version. The final version will be much, much better, guaranteed! Do check spelling and punctuation – most word processing software will do this for you; then cut and paste the final version into the box on the profile.

Top Dating Tip #1 – Make sure you have a ‘catchy’ tagline (the profile header which shows in search results). For example ‘Smart lady seeking fun and travel with a steady guy’. This says something about what you and what you are looking for, but also sets out the type of person you want to meet, right at the outset, encouraging guys to click and read your profile. You might not like the idea, but you are advertising yourself, and you do want to attract the right people for you.

Top Dating Tip #2 – Think hard about the type of person you are looking for and find eight or ten key words or phrases (positive and negative) which describe that person, eg steady, loyal, loving, money not important though it helps, must have his own hair, like dancing and pets, no gamblers or heavy drinkers. Use past relationships as a guide – what was good and what was bad.

If you have been in a difficult relationship in the past, remember that there is a tendency for women to be attracted to features they recognise, so be aware of this and make sure you eliminate such people at this early stage.

Top Dating Tip #3 – What’s important to you. List the things that are important about yourself and that you want him to appreciate. If you are athletic, then you probably need someone with an interest in sport (playing, not sitting in a bar with a beer). Are you an art lover? If you are, then a guy who thinks Dali is a country in Africa is probably a bad bet. Get beyond the superficial to find guys with similar values to your own.

Top Dating Tip # 4 – What’s vital in your life.

What about children – do you want them, maybe you already are a parent? Whilst there are boxes in the profile for this, you may want to say more. He will have to enjoy taking a parental role (and you may have his children for sleepovers). For example “my children are central to my life and a guy who is closely involved with children of his own and understands and enjoys the challenges of parenthood would be ideal’.

Maybe you are involved in local politics or an action group – these tend to be driven from deep within – then it will be important that you highlight that aspect of yourself.

Top Dating Tip #5 – Use a good photograph, preferably one in which you smile – a dour picture will just scare people off – “she doesn’t look very happy”! Invest in your online profile by using a professional photographer for your first online picture. This is so important. The picture is the first thing men see and men are very visually driven. The difference in response level will be as much as 20 times.

So, if you concentrate on these online dating tips and get your profile right, then you can look forward to meeting the right guys.

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

What do we mean by Mature?
Slightly different from ‘senior’ which has more of an age implication, though the two terms usually apply together. We don’t in general mean people who are looking for a partner much older than themselves (this is relatively unusual and a specialised dating area).

By ‘mature’ we mean people who have reached a stage in life (which may not be age related ie senior) when they have experienced one or maybe more serious long term relationships – they probably have children, and very probably a divorce (or two, even more) in their history. They have worked for a living and learned the lessons of the workplace – indeed their career might still be continuing or even ended. They are looking for a partner who is round about the same age or of the same generation and they have a fairly well developed idea of the kind of person they are seeking – their attributes, habits and interests – eg tall, blue eyes, own teeth, likes travel and clubbing and so on.

In terms of age they are probably over 30 and maybe a lot older, though bear in mind that there are people who can be mature (using our definition) even in their mid twenties.

So, they have a rich collection of ‘baggage’ – lessons learned, a seam of good and bad memories, probably family and established community relationships and networks.

Contrast this with people who are generally younger and still looking for the ‘right’ person. Their career might not yet be established, and with social and community networks being less set in stone they are more able (and probably more flexible) about moving home and trying out new ideas. They probably have less well-defined ideas about what they are looking for in a partner.

How is Mature Dating Different?
Usually, mature people engaging in the process have relationships which have ended, and quite often with pain attached. This pain will have bred caution and a natural desire to avoid similar situations again. For example – boredom in a relationship, infidelity, addictions of one sort or another (drugs including alcohol, gambling, sexual addiction even sports), unpleasant personal habits, lack of shared interests. Quite often there will also be a desire to avoid people who remind them of their ‘ex’.

Also, we have the simple fact that getting to know someone really well takes time – there is so much more personal history to exchange. It can be quite wearing meeting a new person every week and listening to their painful divorce history and about their family issues takes energy. Taking that forward further, we come to the point where two family networks are being melded – that is a lot to absorb and manage.

Further, as we said earlier, mature people tend to be older and see life as more finite and probably ‘passing by’ more quickly. Therefore there can be a pressure to ‘get on with it’. This is in conflict with the caution bred out of pain.

Some mature people may have a sense that they have already experienced the ‘real love of their life’ and this could get in the way of a successful new relationship because the standard by which it is being measured (ie their ‘real love of their life’).

Finally, there is availability of time. With family and social networks on both sides, it can be challenging for some to find time for the dating process and developing a new relationship. This can be extremely frustrating for some people, and if you are serious about finding a new partner then you will have to set aside serious amounts of free time. This means that you may have to reconsider your priorities in other areas. After all, showing flexibility is about demonstrating a positive attitude to a potential partner and the importance of that desire to find a partner, in your life.
(c) 2010 Phil Marks