This fourth article is about getting the key aspects of your online dating profile right, especially describing what’s vital in your life. Then, any guy who reads your profile will understand those areas in which you will not compromise, because vital means just that.

Children

What about children – do you want them, maybe you are already a parent? There are probably drop-down boxes in the site’s profile set-up screen for this, but you may want to say more. For example the man will have to enjoy taking a parental role (and you may have his children round for sleepovers). You could phrase it like this: “until they leave home my children will be central in my life and ideally I want to meet a guy who is closely involved with children of his own, understands and enjoys the challenges of parenthood’.

Your Friends and Social Activities

Are you a homelover, or are you out meeting people and socialising most nights? Are your girlfriends round every night? Again, finding someone compatible with that lifestyle is important; after all, how would you feel if your man was out at a bar or football game on several nights a week? Maybe it would suit you, maybe not – some couples have entirely separate social lives – but would it suit you (or him)?

Politics

Perhaps you are involved in town politics or an action group – these tend to be driven from deep within the person – then it will be important that you highlight that aspect of yourself. If you are at meetings a couple of nights a week then you need to make that clear in your profile.

Whilst we are on the topic of politics, remember that many couples of different politics can co-exist quite happily, and there are some people who have to be with a partner having a similar political outlook and set of values. If you are one of those people to whom politics is an essential part of life, then you need to say so clearly.

Pets

Some people just do not want to live in a house with pets (especially cats or dogs) and there can be good reasons for this – for example, allergies. So, if keeping your pet is not negotiable then you need to say so in your profile.

Career and Relocation

You may have a very demanding job or career, but how will it be if the new man in your life is in the Navy (say) and away for 8 months of the year? This is certainly an area to explore very early on. Certainly, if you are in such a career yourself then you do need to make that clear in your online profile

If someone works elsewhere in the country, would you be prepared to move – maybe the kids are in school and you don’t want to move? Most dating agencies ask about geographical range so that they can match people appropriately, but there are few people who really want to enter into a relationship with somebody who lives on another continent!

Finally

The principle behind disclosing the ‘vitals’ in your life is that you don’t want to meet and fall for someone and then find that there is a major problem caused by one of the above (or other ‘vitals’). This approach will help you filter out the unsuitable guys in advance.

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

This is the third article explaining how a lady can write the most effective online dating profile. The benefit of a finely tuned profile is that it clearly describes the lady, without any hidden messages; it also succinctly describes the type of guy who is ideal for her. This means that all the men who would be of no interest to her are immediately elimninated. This saves time and money on pointless emailing and dates, not to mention the emotional toll it can take. As an investment in the future, time spent on developing the right profile is time well spent.

Find Our Who You Really Are

List the qualities and interests that you have and that you want your new man to appreciate. Talk to a close friend and get her(/him) to help you with this, as people don’t always see the qualities they have that close friends see and appreciate.

If you are athletic, then you probably need someone with an interest in sport (that is playing sport, not sitting in a bar with a beer watching football). If you are an art lover, then a guy who thinks Salvador Dali is a country in Africa would be probably be a bad bet. I say probably, because many people seek new things from a new relationship. A dear lady friend of mine (who was very much a country girl), became involved with a guy who wanted to learn about hunting/shooting/fishing. Then, when he had his introductions to that country life, then he decided to move on to someone else.

Ticking the Boxes

Many dating sites will have drop-down lists of Interests, Personal Qualities and so on. Use the list that you prepared earlier as a guide. It is important not to give the wrong impression, as that can lead to disappointment all round.

Think about what you might expect from a man’s profile. Do you want him to be truthful? Do you expect to be misled? Most people will ‘varnish the truth’ slightly to give a more favourable impression.

For example – if you know nothing about horses, but really want to learn, then it is fair enough to put Horses as an interest (because this may be a search term a man may use to find suitable profiles), BUT in your ‘bio’ section (the free-from section where you describe yourself) you must say something like ‘I have had an interest in horses since I was young but never had the chance to get involved with them, so I am really seeking a guy who is closely involved with horses (probably owns one) and who will teach me to ride and share his passion’.

Smoking and Drinking

Other important boxes cover smoking and drinking. In my experience it is not unusual for occasional smokers to say that they are non-smokers. There is no point in this deception, as it soon becomes obvious. Then, the man thinks ‘What else in the profile is not true? Can I believe this woman?’

So, think carefully about what you write, and you will then be more likely to be spending your time meeting guys who are most suitable for you. In other words, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’!

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

A concise and appropriate online dating profile is essential for a woman if you are to avoid giving out inappropriate messages and wasting time on hopeless dates and emails with unsuitable men. This is the second in a series of articles about getting the profile right, and discusses how to develop a description of her ideal man.

The first thing, obviously, is to be realistic, and not set your sights too high.

Talk to your Close Friends

Discuss it with your close friends and seek their view – they may provide you with surprising ideas about the type of man they think is right for you. This can be very useful, especially if they knew your previous partner (if any).

What Type of Person are you Really Looking For?

Think about the type of person you are looking for and find eight or ten key words or phrases which describe that person. These phrases should be both positive and negative. For example, steady, loyal, loving, money not important though it helps, must have his own hair, cuddly, like dancing and pets, no gamblers or heavy drinkers.

Use your past relationship(s) as a guide – what was good and what was bad – this is where talking to a friend or friends can help as they may see aspects that you are not aware of.

Although most sites will have sections which cover smoking, drinking, interests, music, food and so on, if any of these are particularly important to you, then your list should include them to emphasise the point.

For example, you may like to dance, but there is a difference between ‘ticking the Dancing Box’ under Interests, and the fact that you go to Line Dancing 3 nights a week. If Dancing is that important to you then you need to bring it out, and suggest that the man you seek will be a Line Dancing fanatic. On the other hand of course, you may be doing 3 nights a week of line dancing to fill in your evenings until a man comes along. So, be clear about what you want and make it clear in your description of the man you seek. Avoid the Same Mistake Again

If you have been in a difficult relationship in the past, do remember that there is a tendency for many women to be attracted to features they recognise. If these features were not healthy for you or your relationship then make it clear in your profile that these features are unattractive (for example, heavy gambling or drinking). Obviously, saying that you are not seeking someone violent is not easy to put into words, but there are ways of doing it, such as:

‘I have been in a physically(/verbally) abusive relationship in the past, and what I am looking for now is a tender and affectionate man who treats ladies as ladies and knows how to demonstrate love’.

This will not filter out all abusive men, but will narrow down the field considerably.

So, be aware of this risk and make sure you eliminate such people at this early stage.

In summary then, be clear in your mind what’s important to you in the man you seek, and say so clearly in your online dating profile.

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

These essential tips are all about getting the key aspects of your profile right. The benefit of this is that you are clear about who you are and the type of guy you are looking for, which means that you immediately eliminate all the people who would be of no interest to you. This saves time and money on email, phone calls and pointless dates, not to mention the emotional toll it can take. It is an investment in your future, and well worth the time and effort.

So, you have bitten the bullet and joined an online dating agency, maybe two and entered maybe a basic profile. Hopefully you have chosen a clever user id. ‘Sal1234’ is hardly memorable, but something like ‘MustangSally1’ or ‘FranTheArtLover’ certainly is. If you haven’t then it is easy to get another free membership offer.

Here are some top dating tips for writing your profile – these will make the whole process much more enjoyable (and less costly) for you. Concentrate on getting the ‘narrative’ or ‘About Me’ section right. This is the free format area where you write your personal essay. Effort here will pay dividends, cutting out the guys you will not want to meet and attracting the guys who will are looking for someone just like you.

Tips 1-4 will help you write this. But don’t write it and then publish it straight away. Write a draft or two and allow 24 hours between each version. The final version will be much, much better, guaranteed! Do check spelling and punctuation – most word processing software will do this for you; then cut and paste the final version into the box on the profile.

Top Dating Tip #1 – Make sure you have a ‘catchy’ tagline (the profile header which shows in search results). For example ‘Smart lady seeking fun and travel with a steady guy’. This says something about what you and what you are looking for, but also sets out the type of person you want to meet, right at the outset, encouraging guys to click and read your profile. You might not like the idea, but you are advertising yourself, and you do want to attract the right people for you.

Top Dating Tip #2 – Think hard about the type of person you are looking for and find eight or ten key words or phrases (positive and negative) which describe that person, eg steady, loyal, loving, money not important though it helps, must have his own hair, like dancing and pets, no gamblers or heavy drinkers. Use past relationships as a guide – what was good and what was bad.

If you have been in a difficult relationship in the past, remember that there is a tendency for women to be attracted to features they recognise, so be aware of this and make sure you eliminate such people at this early stage.

Top Dating Tip #3 – What’s important to you. List the things that are important about yourself and that you want him to appreciate. If you are athletic, then you probably need someone with an interest in sport (playing, not sitting in a bar with a beer). Are you an art lover? If you are, then a guy who thinks Dali is a country in Africa is probably a bad bet. Get beyond the superficial to find guys with similar values to your own.

Top Dating Tip # 4 – What’s vital in your life.

What about children – do you want them, maybe you already are a parent? Whilst there are boxes in the profile for this, you may want to say more. He will have to enjoy taking a parental role (and you may have his children for sleepovers). For example “my children are central to my life and a guy who is closely involved with children of his own and understands and enjoys the challenges of parenthood would be ideal’.

Maybe you are involved in local politics or an action group – these tend to be driven from deep within – then it will be important that you highlight that aspect of yourself.

Top Dating Tip #5 – Use a good photograph, preferably one in which you smile – a dour picture will just scare people off – “she doesn’t look very happy”! Invest in your online profile by using a professional photographer for your first online picture. This is so important. The picture is the first thing men see and men are very visually driven. The difference in response level will be as much as 20 times.

So, if you concentrate on these online dating tips and get your profile right, then you can look forward to meeting the right guys.

(c) 2010 Phil Marks