These online dating tips are about getting the main aspects of your online dating profile right. This is the first of a series of five articles, each concentrating on a specific aspect of a lady’s online dating profile.

Why bother, you say?

The benefit is that you clearly describe who you are and the type of guy you are looking for. Thereby you immediately cut out all the people who would be of no interest to you (and you to them, even before you start writing your profile summary paragraph). This reduces hassle and emotional toll. You are investing in your future, so it pays to devote time to the task.

The first tip is about your ‘handle’, more usually known as your User ID.

Maybe you have already joined an online agency. Did you choose a memorable and intriguing ‘handle’ for yourself?

Think about these handles:

Put yourself in a guy’s position – he does a search and sees a list of potential matches like this:

Ann123
Brenda29
Charlotte_Wisconsin
Mustang_Sally
ToniLonely
MarybyMoonlight
Maggie_May69
SaraSculptress
BlondeNoBimbo
Wendy993
June_so_lonely
Just_looking49
Laughing_Lady27
ScarlettOHara

Which handles catch his eye? Which ones will he click on first? Which ones grab you? Which ones give a positive feel and which ones seem negative?

Obviously, if your style is not that of a Mustang, or humour and double entendres such as with Maggie_May69 do not suit your personality then avoid such terms (or be prepared to deal with the inevitable silly enquiries you will get). However, you can always find something that very simply generates the extra clicks on your profile. More clicks mean more chances to find the right person.

It is quite reasonable to assume that SaraSculptress would really like to meet someone ‘arty’, ideally interested in sculpture.

‘Mustang_Sally’ tells me that she is someone who is a bit headstrong and challenging, but recognises it.

BlondeNoBimbo suggests an attractive lady who wants to be recognised for her intelligence and not her looks. Of course, if you are a ‘stunning looker’ with the intelligence of a professor, then you may want to communicate that another way, such as ‘BookishBlonde’ or just avoid any reference to your hair colour or looks. But then, it pays to advertise!

Now, let us think about negative aspects. How do you think June_so_Lonely comes across? There are two aspects to this.

Firstly, it carries a sense of vulnerability about it. This may not be a good thing to put across, as not all men are honorable. Secondly, it conveys someone who is seeing her glass to be half empty. Some men may like that, some may not, but generally a positive attitude works best.

And lastly, what does ScarlettOHara’s handle say – is she literary or a film buff or does it say something about her character. Some doubt can be intriguing…

So, in summary, think about your handle. And of course, many sites offer free trial memberships, so you could join a couple of agencies and try a couple of different handles.

Remember, your handle is your first headline!

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

Grrrr!

Whether you are new to online dating, or an ‘old hand’, even in a fresh and deepening relationship, then this article could be useful to you. What happens when you and your date both have Facebook pages, and your relationship is in that exciting phase when you just cannot stop phoning, texting and emailing each other? Or, maybe you are settled in to a stable relationship, maybe you’ve even started living together, and you both have Facebook pages of your own.  Have you thought about the potential problems this could cause? Do you need two Facebook profiles – one for your regular friends and one for online dating?

Profile Privacy

Having a profile on Facebook can lead to a multitude of problems, not least being identity theft, which is the reason why I kept away from the application for a few years. Yes, there are privacy settings, but they don’t always function as they should, and recently the management at the company changed the default settings on a whim. This led to a big outcry in the media. And Yes again, they did change them. But it just makes you nervous about having your whole life in a worldwide database, doesn’t it? These days there is even software which can analyse your profile and your Facebook friends and figure out a whole lot about what makes you tick, even your sexual preferences.

Until recently, I had no page on Facebook. My girlfriend has had one for years, and she is a nut about her online identity privacy. She uses it mainly to keep in touch with her family.

So, I thought it would be a good idea for me too, as I’m not really good at keeping in touch with family, and I know my daughters are really active. Fine. So…

What bearing has this on online dating?

Well, I started to set up an online profile in Facebook, and after a few pages it asked me to find some friends online. You’ve probably done it already. Guess who I looked for? Yes, my girlfriend. Could I find her? No. Did I find her? Yes. I simply looked for one of her daughters and found her as a friend of her daughter. I then sent a request to my girlfriend to be my Facebook friend.

After a couple of days I had received no reply. This started me thinking. Is she ignoring me? Did she get my request? Several other family members (including my daughters, I’m glad to say) had accepted and become friends. Or was there another reason, something more insidious? So, I asked her if she was not responding. She said that she hadn’t received my request. Fair enough, I believed that she hadn’t received my request. She was surprised that I had been able to find her at all given her Facebook profile settings (that’s off the point of this article, though I did touch on it earlier).

This whole episode got me thinking. Maybe she had a whole list of people – exes maybe, who she did not want me to see as her friends. Anyway, it was not an issue for me, but I also disappointed myself, that I should doubt her.

In summary

This whole online profile issue can raise doubts and questions when it comes to online dating, especially when you are just meeting with someone you like. You exchange real email addresses first, then phone numbers, then maybe, just maybe, your Facebook pages.

Solutions

There are couple of solutions. One is to have a bland profile with few friends, plus your real everyday profile. The other solution is to keep your profile clear of your dates and exes. Of course, if you are dating multiple people at the same time, or even using Facebook dating features, then you will have to be a lot more careful if you want to avoid lots of questions or doubts about trust.

(c) Phil Marks 2011

You are a strong, independent woman. You are proud of your educational and professional accomplishments. You are at a place in your life where you are ready to get serious about finding a wonderful, intelligent, caring boyfriend who will hopefully become your devoted husband one day. After several unsuccessful long-term relationships, you have taken time to recuperate, take care of yourself and reevaluate your priorities. Now, after time away from the dating scene, you feel that you are ready to take several cautious steps into the online dating pool.

You have decided on joining an online dating service because you want to broaden your search for the man of your dreams. You appreciate how the service allows you to choose the age range, religion, geographical location and ethnic background of your potential matches. You are ready to put together a compelling dating profile and start looking for love, but you want to keep your personal safety and privacy your first priority.

Follow these safety and privacy tips to ensure a safe and enjoyable online dating experience.

1) When you write your profile, avoid sharing any information that could reveal your identity. Do not share your last name, your phone number, your email address or your home address. Do not share your place of employment, the name of your church, or the name of your health club. Many dating services have members create a “username,” which they use instead of your first name, so then you don’t even have to reveal your first name until you get to know someone well.

2) When you select photos to add to your profile, be extra careful to avoid revealing any personal information. People can gather a lot of information about someone by looking at their photos. Avoid posting photos of you standing in front of your house, you standing next to your car, or you with the sign of any event or club.

3) While communicating with your matches, exercise extra caution. Utilize the dating service to send emails and messages. Do not use your work email address or personal email address. When you get to the stage where you feel comfortable talking to a man on the phone, ensure that you are the one making the phone calls and arrange with your phone company to block your phone number. Do not reveal your phone number until after you meet the potential suitor and feel comfortable with him. If the match lives a long distance away from you and you won’t be able to meet for several weeks or months, only share your phone number with him after you have been emailing and messaging one another for at least several weeks and you have had several quality phone conversations with him. Remember that there are a variety of websites that can reveal your full name and home address when a person types in your home phone number.

4) Research each potential suitor carefully, especially before meeting him in person. Find out as much information about each man as you possibly can. Once you know his last name, you can use various government website to look into his background. Several websites allow you to perform a criminal record search on someone. Do a “Google search” with your match’s full name and see if your search generates any information. Ask your match important questions about his background, values and expectations before meeting him.

You are seriously considering joining a reputable online dating service. You are hopeful at the prospect of possibly meeting your soulmate. You are eager to get started with the process of receiving matches and reading dating profiles. However, you want to stay safe and approach online dating in a smart way.

Although the majority of members of online dating services are honest, good and genuine people, unfortunately hundreds of thousands of people are taken advantage of by internet dating scams. Be aware of any “red flags” that you notice with any of your matches.

Follow these helpful tips to avoid an online dating scam.

Be observant of discrepancies in your match’s emails. Be very cautious if you experience any of the following problems:

a) The email communication from your match is difficult to understand, is repeated or is oddly vague.
b) You receive a response from the match within ten to twenty minutes every time you send him/her a message, even though you never discussed when you would be online again.
c) You notice that emails from your match change in grammar, spelling, style, language or overall tone throughout your communication with him/ her.
d) Early on in your communication, your match shares a heart-wrenching story that quickly turns into an emergency, and he/she informs you that you are the only one who can help.
e) Your match fails to offer you any personal or detailed information about himself/herself.
f) He or she does not respond to your emails or messages in a personal way, but instead change the topic each time he/ she sends another email.
g) You sense that the emails or messages that you are receiving from this match don’t contain meaningful and appropriate responses. Consider whether or not the person is sending you copied-and-pasted responses from a pre-written script or outline.
h) The person asks you to cash someone’s money order or check for him/her. Say no!
i) The person asks you for money. Avoid giving anyone any money.
j) Be weary if the match’s profile photos look fake or unrealistic. It likely means that the photos have been tampered with, or worse, the photos might be of another person entirely and just used to hook potential matches into communicating with him/her.

Safety and Privacy Tips

Be very careful not to reveal you actual last name to a match until you feel that you have gotten to know the person and you feel that they are trustworthy. Be careful not to reveal your personal email address until you have been communicating for a good while through the online dating service and you feel comfortable sharing your email address with them. Do not share your phone number with a match until you feel very safe and comfortable with them over email. Never reveal your personal address until you have gone through the process of communicating online for a good amount of time, have had many successful phone conversations, and have met in person in safe, public places a variety of times.